Awkward Turtle at the Oscars

So, posting this is going to reveal my rather embarrassing addiction to TMZ.com, but I'm a little too fired up not to post on it, so...

On the red carpet last night, Gary Busey greeted Jennifer Garner by kissing her on the neck.

In general, as a woman, this bothered me because it's all-too-familiar for us. Most women I know have had at least one experience where a man made them feel uncomfortable––it's the overly-friendly attitude, or the inappropriate touch, or the unwanted proposition (subtle or otherwise). It happened to me a few years ago. I remember going home to my mom and telling her about it; she, wise woman that she is, told me to stand up for myself, and I did. It made me feel empowered to take that action, to put a stop to the aggressive behavior that was making me feel so uncomfortable. Still, it made me feel uncomfortable, and violated, and intensely aware that, as a woman, I will always have to be on the look-out for predatory men. Understand, I am by no means bashing men in general (just the assholes) but this is something that is a reality for women. We deal with it all the time, most of the time barely registering the fact that we are in a constant state of watchfulness.

So, in watching the video of Jennifer Garner's reaction to the violation of her personal space, I felt for her. It made me angry, but it was a weary angry. It's that low-level anger that comes when you're really not surprised, but still aware that things like this are... well, they're just wrong. There's a strange split there: it upsets me, but I also accept that it's a part of the world we live in. I don't like it or condone it, but it seems to be one of those problems that will only be solved through the gradual changing of hearts and minds of individual people.

I was weary angry. And then, I read the comments, and got fired up. An alarmingly high number of them were somewhere along the lines of, "She should get over herself," or, "He was just being friendly," or, "He's got more talent than she does."

Fuck that. Sorry for the f-bomb droppage, but seriously. He kissed her neck. He kissed her neck, and she didn't want him to; that is all that matters. There is no excuse. It doesn't matter how famous he is. Kissing the neck of someone you've never met before isn't friendly, it's creepy. And the "she should get over herself" thing is... don't even get me started. It's cavalier, it's dismissive, and it implies that women shouldn't care when a man violates their bodily integrity.

If someone kisses my neck and I don't want them to, I will not 'get over myself'. I will not 'let it go'. I will say something. I will stand up for myself. From where I stand, that's what Jennifer Garner did last night, and that, at least, is heartening.

The ignorant commenters still piss me off, though.